Motion, Movement and Progress

     If you follow this blog, then you know that I am a chronic muser.  I think often about lots of things.  I will pause here and shout out my 9th grade English teacher Mr. Freeman, who reminded us, ad nauseam that "often" is for frequency and "lots" is for quantity.  So, the theory about learning by osmosis is true because I would swear I wasn't listening.  Anyway, I digress.

    My five year old had a science project about just that.  As I helped, he began to explain that "everything always moves".  I thought that this was very profound for a 5 year old.  I also thought about how true it really is.  I began to think about my movement.

    I have been thinking about movement over the past few months.  I have always believed that profound realizations require profound movement.  I have also determined that sometimes the most profound movement is to be still.    This is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I don't always have the patience to keep still.  I am always grateful for the people in my life who help me in and through the learning process that goes with keeping still.  For a long time I equated stillness with inaction.  Through the learning curve, I have come to realize that stillness can be progress and movement can just be motion.

    As the holiday rolls in and the year closes out, my thoughts have turned to Movement, Motion and Progress.  I have spent my year moving but my progress has been minimal.  That's if you do count the fact that I have gotten honest with myself about this small tidbit.  These coming months will be the test.  I will face several things--the biggest being myself.

     I have decided to make the move from motion to progress--forward progress.  This is likely going to leave some people unhappy.  As a mom, I am responsible for encouraging progress.  I have to make it as well.  I will no longer wish for better things and a better path.  I am going to listen to the messages--the positive ones--and bust a move.  Thank you for following and I hope that it wasn't just motion.  Get moving and get it done.

    

   

Life In The Age of Tech or "Why "Instant is Only Good for Pudding..."

      I am a lover of tech.  I am a profound hater of how some choose to use it.  I could run the gamut from the weaponization of e-mail in some workplaces to the the Patriot Act.  My mission today is more about the human cost of tech gone wrong.  My belief is that at some point we will or have all experienced the phenomenon.  The ultimate problem with technology is that it is developed for and used by people.  People, no matter how well intentioned are flawed.  Some more than others.   

     So, in a very profound way, the Clementi family is dealing with the human toll at the convergeance of youth, decisions  and technology. What started off as a prank ended in a young man's death and a leaves a family with more questions than answers.  I think there is a certain level of maliciousness that goes with posting a sex act on the internet.  This goes far beyond a prank.  Certainly its done to visit a certain level of humiliation on the person in it.  The clandestine nature of secretly doing that is an additional level of victimization only furthers that.

    In this age of instant we no longer fact check.  We no longer filter what we say or hear.  Because we are instant in our news, our food and our thirst for information we are short in our memories.  So their ordeal, while fresh for them is yesterday to us.  Take the lesson.  What happens in an instant can affect us for a lifetime.

The Case For Forgiveness

       In the next few sentences I will talk about forgiveness.  I want to be clear that I am not talking about apologies.  Apologies are simply a plea for forgiveness or an acknowledgement that an action or reaction was hurtful to someone.  I am talking about the forgiveness that allows peace to overtake your soul, and release the anger in it. 

     I often wonder whether it is harder to get forgiveness than it is to give it.  The reality is that forgiveness--as I see it--benefits the giver more than the givee.   It has been my experience that there are people that don't much care whether you forgive them or not.  Really, truthfully, being honest why would they care?  If they didn't care enough not to hurt you why would they care about your forgiveness or lack thereof?

    I would suggest, that most people don't intend to be hurtful--the ones who do are hurt themselves.  Imagine living in so much pain that the only way you can get relief is to inflict pain on others.  Very sad when you think about it.  I am a firm believer in fighting with positivity.  Trust me when I tell you, it's a lot of work.

     I have forgiven many things and still have some work to do.  I'm sure that I will require forgiveness in this life before it is all said and done.  The world is littered with the carnage of people who are unable to forgive.  Don't believe me?  Try dating.  Nowhere is pain more evident than when  people attempt to open themselves to new people and the possibilities they represent or admit that they are the same old thing. 

    It makes me sad to hear the stories of people who haven't spoken to their siblings in ten years or children who haven't spoken to their parents in years.  Pain, rejection, hurt and anger are too heavy to carry around with you everywhere you go.  They are burdens we need to be from so that we can have the strength to carry hope, possibility, forgiveness and joy.  There are many choices to be made in life--some go well and others don't.

    The most important thing about forgiveness is to give it--even when the person you need to give it to is the one you look at in the mirror.  Open your heart, open your mind and get it done.

Faith or Folly

     "Walk by faith and not by sight..." is one of the most profound verses in the Bible.  It is also one of the more difficult ones to live by.  It is what I have longed to do all my life.  I think that before I get rolling I should probably give a definitive definition--if anything can be definitive. I think the most profound definition of faith--as I apply it is probably is outlined in Hebrews 11: 1: 

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..."

     How much faith does the average person have?  Is "average faith" enough to get you through life?  What happens when your AVERAGE FAITH is tested?  How do you know the difference between stepping out on faith and the folly of a fool?

    I have been asking myself all of these things over the last few months.  I have a profound belief in a higher power and my reasoning is simple:  all the good in life I have experienced could not have been generated completely by me.  The reverse is also true:  there have been too many instances of rough times that I have gotten through solely because of people put in my path.  I think that faith by its very nature is built to be tested.  The reality is that having it tested is the only way to know if you have it and how it will hold up. For my part, I have every reason to have faith but I waiver during the test part.  When I started this piece it was going to be about how people are able to make decisions that seem shocking to others but are OK with them and where the line between faith and foolishness my lay.  As I have experienced sending my child off to college, I have a defferent feeling about the whole thing--a personal awakening if you will.

    For my first question, I think that faith increases with each blessing or bit of grace that a person allows in their life.  In the end, we take a role in determining whether we receive the blessing or not.  I worry a lot.  My mother will say that it's because I don't pray enough.  At this point and upon further observation, she may in fact be right.  I need to pray more, harder and better and I am working on that.

    For how much faith you need to get through your life, I've come to believe that this may be taken care of for us.  Every person of faith and with faith will find when they have needed to step out on it, it was there.  Myself included.    My faith can be weak but I have concluded that no matter how weak your faith it is always strong enough to stand on.

    For the difference between faith and folly--it doesn't really seem to matter.  The only thing that will allow you a moment of folly is planting your feet in faith.  The reality is that no folly is such if it is done in act of faith.  So while it may look foolish to the outside world, all one has to do is believe.  I have opportunities to step out on faith.  Some realized and some squandered.  There have been times when faith stepped in on me. 

    At the end of the day, it matters very little how your faith is dissected.  It only matters if you are strong enough to stand on it because it is strong enough to hold you--no matter what you think.  Step lively and get it done.

Standing on the Promises

     I am very fortunate.  I have a life that is worse than some but I suspect better than most.  I can claim two high school graduates and their very bright younger brother.  Some parents, single or not, can't claim the same.  I was lamenting about the thought of books and tuition and one of the docs I worked with reminded me that I could be figuring out how to raise bail and pay restitution.  Sounded like he knew a little something about it but I didn't probe.

    As fortunate as I am, I cope with the same woes as other parents do.  A non-paying ex, more obligations than cash and the neverending stream of sentences that begin with;  "Mommy I need...", "Can I have...", "Will you buy me.." and my personal favorite "Did you get paid this week?"  I am pretty good at balancing but when I am short I am angry.  Why am I hustling and thinking about how to get paper and pay bills and he's off somewhere out of the fray? For his part, he has been blunt.  " 'You will figure it out, you always do.' "  " 'Get your family to help out, they usually do.' " Honest answer--because I allowed it. I suspect, continuing in honesty, that this is really the part that pisses me off. For far too long, I managed to get things done with help from family. I have also developed such a set of skills that have proved highly helpful in my day to day work life.    The reality is that by not holding feet to the fire, and managing without the consistent financial support of their other parent, I've taught him to believe that he is bonus money.  The reality is that he has never really been forced to be day to day in the struggle.  So, at the end of the day, I am really angry with myself right along with him.  I give him his props though--he learned way more about me than I thought he did.  Stay in the struggle, and get it done.

Are YOU The Partner You Want?

    I am always fascinated by what happens when women get together and the topic turns to men. A group of sisters who are educated, motivated, intellectual and intelligent that for the most part are single. This has been discussed often and rancorously. If you ask any woman about men she will have a history--via--personal experience about what is wrong with men. She will also likely pine for another opportunity with someone knowing what she knows now. The reality is, most of us can relate to this.

    There is a verse in the Bible that says: " To whom much is given, much is required. So shall it be." While this is not typically a verse used to characterize relationships, it somehow seems fitting. As sisters, many of us have a laundry list of qualities we want in a potential partner. I used to have one. Given my current situation and life, I don't believe in absolutes any longer. I think that "THE ONE" exists for everybody. No person is perfect, more importantly we are not perfect in ourselves. What right would I have to demand a perfect partner? Or a perfect relationship?

    This is the point where Christians would say that true love is designed by God and if you live a life of faith and obedience to God this magical love will be provided to you. That may be true, but since people are full of imperfections they would only mess it up. Yep, me included.

On any given day, how many of the qualities you demand in a partner do you demand in yourself? Are you consistent in the giving, demonstration and tolerance that signify love of the magnitude you want? How IN LOVE are you with yourself? Can you pass the "Naked In Front Of the Mirror" test? What about the "Hold A Mirror to Your Soul" test? We need to look inside and clear out clutter, ugliness and the pain of past relationships to be the lover that deserves the perfect love. The test is simple. After you strip all the layers away, would you want to spend the rest of your life with you? Think on it.

America's Birthday

     There are three hundred million people here in the United States of America.  Birthdays mean something different to each one of them.  I guess it's the same for America too.  I use my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on the past year, and more importantly look ahead to the next one. 

    On America's birthday I paused to take in fireworks--twice for good measure--and beyond that not much else I did was patriotic.  In defense of myself, I'm probably not alone.  I did pause to think about the soldiers I've never met that protect me as I wake and sleep, from threats seen and unseen, real, imagined and monetary.  They do this because they have been ordered to do so.  I respect this.  I don't necessarily agree with the motivation but it is what it is.

    America and I are like lifelong girlfriends.  We each have our shit with us, but at the end of the day we know that our relationship is solid.  We are good for each other.  When we are far apart on issues--I protest.  She understands that she is still my roadie, but sometimes you have to call your friends out on their mess.  The Arizona immigration thing.  The Fremont immigration thing. 

    I am free to move about the country without border checks and papers, I can vote and I can have the number of children that I choose to have.  Many can't say the same.  That being said, fifty years ago I would not have been able to vote or walk a public street in conversation with a Caucasian man.  I would have sat in the back of the bus.  Sometimes my homegirl has too high a tolerance for wrong mindedness--but that's who she is.  Sometimes she flat out looks the other way. The assassination of Salvatore Allende in Chile.  The handing of smallpox laden blankets to Native Americans.

    America--it's your birthday.  Do the damn thing.  Make sure you think about where you're going in the year ahead.  Three hundred million people are watching.  Put your best foot forward and do the damn thing.  Happy Birthday mama.  Get it done