"I'm Glad To Have A Job, But Damn..."

... is something I have said to myself everyday this week. I have to remind myself that some people would kill to be knee deep in foolishness and cutthroat bitches. So, I have good friends that were co-workers four months ago.  They are now "my friends I used to work with".   This was the whole hitting home thing for me.  I work in what must possibly be the most hostile work environment ever created.  Now my boss is not grabbing my ass or anything like that--but that would likely be an improvement. 

I have decided that when I retire I am going to write a book--and please know--I'm not changing a single name because none of these itchbays is innocent.   You simply can't make up characters this good. The conniving young upstart, the two-faced colleague, the puppet and the master, and the don't have a clue person will bear their official government names.  I may be kind enough not to use first and last but it will all depend on how I come through.  It amazes me what people will do sometimes.  I have worked with substance abusers for a long time and really, they have nothing on this group of trifling chicks. They are the poster for an all male workplace. For my part, I shouldn't let it get to me, but there are days when the busyness is so loud that it's like listening to the PA system in a stadium where it's just you.  My department is in a state of flux.  By all accounts, it appears that the guard is changing.

I worked on a "special project" and my life hasn't been the same since.  For one thing, I learned a lot about the true nature of some of my colleagues and believe me, ugly is a river and she runs real deep.  For the better part, I have a concrete understanding of where I stand.  Trust me, it wasn't where I thought it was.  I am glad I have a job.  It helps with the money.  I have no idea how much longer I will have my job, but I know that I have an opportunity to determine my fate in some small way.   Someone has determined that I shouldn't be paid for the work I've done.  I'm just going to keep praying on that.

There is a proverb that says "smooth seas don't make for skillful sailors."  Well then, between momming, relationships and work, I can sail the globe in a dingy.  I'm glad to have a job, but damn...  Don't get it twisted, I will get it done.

Recession Lessons

     Let just start out by saying that this blog will not provide you with any tips and will talk not very much about money.  The recession really has taught me very little about money.  On the other hand, it has taught me a hell of a lot about people.  As a single mom of three, I have developed a talent for dealing with money droughts.  A talent that has left some scars, but that will be a blog for another day.  I think that the recession has been one of the most dramatic events in the lives of many. 

If nothing else, it has begun to separate the men from the boys emotionally.  For some, who they are is heavily tied to wealth, income and status.  Lose those and they may lose themselves.  I am thankful for the struggles that I endure as a single parent and I have a set of problems that many people would like to have.  I have one child in tech school, another on the way to college and a ridiculously bright pre-schooler and I will be returning to school soon as well.  Paying for it, is a source of stress,  making the rent is a source of stress  especially when my agency, owes me tons of money.  I can appreciate the small moments, and that's where I garnr my strength.  I doubt they would have happened or mattered as much if I didn't have to look for something to appreciate in the absence of material wealth.

While I realize this may only be a personal shortfall of mine, I tend to think it slightly more widespread and doubt that I'm the only one.  My grendfather used to say " 'everyone believes in the sun when the clouds are gone.' "  Alot to digest for a 6 year old but true nonetheless.  Now, this is one of the few times where less is more.  Most minorities, single moms and working poor stay in the struggle on a constant basis.  You develop a set of skills and a skin that tells you once you do your best to get things paid it will turn out however it's supposed to.

What makes the recession tragic and notable  is that the people who have spent their adulthoods acquiring, maintaining and promoting wealth, no longer have it and are devastated.  I went through losing a home and it hurt that much more because of the struggle that went into getting it.  I feel fortunate almost that I have a life that helped me develop skills that are coming in handy.  It's like bringing an umbrella on a sunny day--everyone is laughing and ignoring you until the clouds roll in. 

It is devastating to listen to the Bernie Madoff, Enron and AIG stories.  However, they all share a common thread--people.  No one deserves to lose their life savings or their home. However not since 3 card monty did anyone ever offer and guaranteee a 200% return on an investment every year.  No one looks up at the ceiling when they live in a house of cards.

The lessons to take away? 

1. Love people not money.
2. Understand that neither may love you back. 
3. Too good to be true usually is.
4. People who love you will give you their support.
5. Who you are in a crisis says more about you than you may want people to know.
6. Be able to look yourself in the eye when you pass a mirror.
7. Find your faith, because it's been looking for you.

Get it done.