Standing on the Promises

     I am very fortunate.  I have a life that is worse than some but I suspect better than most.  I can claim two high school graduates and their very bright younger brother.  Some parents, single or not, can't claim the same.  I was lamenting about the thought of books and tuition and one of the docs I worked with reminded me that I could be figuring out how to raise bail and pay restitution.  Sounded like he knew a little something about it but I didn't probe.

    As fortunate as I am, I cope with the same woes as other parents do.  A non-paying ex, more obligations than cash and the neverending stream of sentences that begin with;  "Mommy I need...", "Can I have...", "Will you buy me.." and my personal favorite "Did you get paid this week?"  I am pretty good at balancing but when I am short I am angry.  Why am I hustling and thinking about how to get paper and pay bills and he's off somewhere out of the fray? For his part, he has been blunt.  " 'You will figure it out, you always do.' "  " 'Get your family to help out, they usually do.' " Honest answer--because I allowed it. I suspect, continuing in honesty, that this is really the part that pisses me off. For far too long, I managed to get things done with help from family. I have also developed such a set of skills that have proved highly helpful in my day to day work life.    The reality is that by not holding feet to the fire, and managing without the consistent financial support of their other parent, I've taught him to believe that he is bonus money.  The reality is that he has never really been forced to be day to day in the struggle.  So, at the end of the day, I am really angry with myself right along with him.  I give him his props though--he learned way more about me than I thought he did.  Stay in the struggle, and get it done.

Are YOU The Partner You Want?

    I am always fascinated by what happens when women get together and the topic turns to men. A group of sisters who are educated, motivated, intellectual and intelligent that for the most part are single. This has been discussed often and rancorously. If you ask any woman about men she will have a history--via--personal experience about what is wrong with men. She will also likely pine for another opportunity with someone knowing what she knows now. The reality is, most of us can relate to this.

    There is a verse in the Bible that says: " To whom much is given, much is required. So shall it be." While this is not typically a verse used to characterize relationships, it somehow seems fitting. As sisters, many of us have a laundry list of qualities we want in a potential partner. I used to have one. Given my current situation and life, I don't believe in absolutes any longer. I think that "THE ONE" exists for everybody. No person is perfect, more importantly we are not perfect in ourselves. What right would I have to demand a perfect partner? Or a perfect relationship?

    This is the point where Christians would say that true love is designed by God and if you live a life of faith and obedience to God this magical love will be provided to you. That may be true, but since people are full of imperfections they would only mess it up. Yep, me included.

On any given day, how many of the qualities you demand in a partner do you demand in yourself? Are you consistent in the giving, demonstration and tolerance that signify love of the magnitude you want? How IN LOVE are you with yourself? Can you pass the "Naked In Front Of the Mirror" test? What about the "Hold A Mirror to Your Soul" test? We need to look inside and clear out clutter, ugliness and the pain of past relationships to be the lover that deserves the perfect love. The test is simple. After you strip all the layers away, would you want to spend the rest of your life with you? Think on it.

America's Birthday

     There are three hundred million people here in the United States of America.  Birthdays mean something different to each one of them.  I guess it's the same for America too.  I use my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on the past year, and more importantly look ahead to the next one. 

    On America's birthday I paused to take in fireworks--twice for good measure--and beyond that not much else I did was patriotic.  In defense of myself, I'm probably not alone.  I did pause to think about the soldiers I've never met that protect me as I wake and sleep, from threats seen and unseen, real, imagined and monetary.  They do this because they have been ordered to do so.  I respect this.  I don't necessarily agree with the motivation but it is what it is.

    America and I are like lifelong girlfriends.  We each have our shit with us, but at the end of the day we know that our relationship is solid.  We are good for each other.  When we are far apart on issues--I protest.  She understands that she is still my roadie, but sometimes you have to call your friends out on their mess.  The Arizona immigration thing.  The Fremont immigration thing. 

    I am free to move about the country without border checks and papers, I can vote and I can have the number of children that I choose to have.  Many can't say the same.  That being said, fifty years ago I would not have been able to vote or walk a public street in conversation with a Caucasian man.  I would have sat in the back of the bus.  Sometimes my homegirl has too high a tolerance for wrong mindedness--but that's who she is.  Sometimes she flat out looks the other way. The assassination of Salvatore Allende in Chile.  The handing of smallpox laden blankets to Native Americans.

    America--it's your birthday.  Do the damn thing.  Make sure you think about where you're going in the year ahead.  Three hundred million people are watching.  Put your best foot forward and do the damn thing.  Happy Birthday mama.  Get it done