Dreamers of the Day...

 “All men dream; but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

     So says T.E. Lawrence of Lawrence of Arabia fame.  I love this quote as I love many others. This one is special to me--mainly because it acknowledges that dreamers are people of import and it's okay to have one.  It also serves as a reminder for me that I should always keep my dreams in the forefront of my mind. For me, most of my dreams involve things that I would want to do or places that I wish to see.  I guess in short, it is sort of like a  Bucket List and "IF you could have dinner with any 5..." combined.   So in light of all this dreaming and wonderment of how my life would be different if I chose "a" not "b" or went left not right, the quote is appropriate. 

     So, it occurs to me that beyond world peace and the possibilities I dream for my children, I am not a global dreamer.  I mean I recycle and try to bring my own bags to the supermarket but I don't sit and ponder the next big world idea, cold fusion or how I can change the global village in some way.  I am not sure how I feel about this.  Does this make me faint of heart or small of mind?  I have always been comfortable with changing myself or helping  someone else in some small way so as to make my contribution to the Global Village.  I am not sure that this is enough anymore.  If it's not then what?   If it is why am I now thinking that it's not enough?  

     I am at a crossroads.  Yet another child will be leaving home for college.  While this is wild and exciting, it's a little sad and I am not sure what my youngest will make of it all.  But I digress.  Maybe it's just as good to support a dream as it is to dream one.  As my children age, I think more and more about the crazy dreamer things they did, like when my eldest took apart my mom's toaster to see how it worked.  Like how my daughter went to see The Wiz and said she wanted to have a good crew too.  Priceless.

    So, there are new days coming and new things to dream about and hope for.  I think I want to do little things in a big way and I can be ok with that.  All in all, maybe I am a little dangerous.  Dream and get it done.

    

"I'm Glad To Have A Job, But Damn..."--Part Deux

     So, did I have a day.  In a previous post about my work environment, I mused on some of the issues in my workplace.  Well, some of the issues of the people in my workplace.  So, in the confusion and drama, people have departed and moved on, forged ahead and been forced out.  I  have decided to get a Masters' or at least study, organizational behavior and management.  The culture of an organization can--in  many ways--determine its success or failure. I digress.

     In my previous post, I talked about the changing of the guard and that has come to pass.  As for me, this has become a storm to weather.  On Thursday, as I wound up my day, I was called to a meeting where I was told to be more "present" and "upbeat".  Seems that " 'we understand that this is difficult with your program closing' " but pull it together.  My mentor has always reminded me that how we face difficulty is our true measure.  I will be honest to say that I am falling short.  I have no interest in staying in my department un- less it's the only way I can keep a job. I have personal feelings that run deep.  As a growing professional I realize that their will be lots of things that I have to shake off, but this one I'm struggling with.  

    After eight years, I am now not quite good enough  for the new guard and I need to "demonstrate my value."  This is something I thought I did everyday.  Guess not.  This is one of those moments of clarity and I am not clear on how I am going to come through.  Digging deep and being honest, this is like an emotionally abusive relationship and we probably need to part company.  The flip side is that I am afraid that I won't be good enough at anything other than what I am doing.  So, I am trying to find my faith and my balls.  I need to leave the comfort zone, mainly because it's not comfortable.  Fear not, your gryl will be a lady  and get this done.  Stay tuned.  Be blessed and get it done.