So, did I have a day. In a previous post about my work environment, I mused on some of the issues in my workplace. Well, some of the issues of the people in my workplace. So, in the confusion and drama, people have departed and moved on, forged ahead and been forced out. I have decided to get a Masters' or at least study, organizational behavior and management. The culture of an organization can--in many ways--determine its success or failure. I digress.
In my previous post, I talked about the changing of the guard and that has come to pass. As for me, this has become a storm to weather. On Thursday, as I wound up my day, I was called to a meeting where I was told to be more "present" and "upbeat". Seems that " 'we understand that this is difficult with your program closing' " but pull it together. My mentor has always reminded me that how we face difficulty is our true measure. I will be honest to say that I am falling short. I have no interest in staying in my department un- less it's the only way I can keep a job. I have personal feelings that run deep. As a growing professional I realize that their will be lots of things that I have to shake off, but this one I'm struggling with.
After eight years, I am now not quite good enough for the new guard and I need to "demonstrate my value." This is something I thought I did everyday. Guess not. This is one of those moments of clarity and I am not clear on how I am going to come through. Digging deep and being honest, this is like an emotionally abusive relationship and we probably need to part company. The flip side is that I am afraid that I won't be good enough at anything other than what I am doing. So, I am trying to find my faith and my balls. I need to leave the comfort zone, mainly because it's not comfortable. Fear not, your gryl will be a lady and get this done. Stay tuned. Be blessed and get it done.
"Pull it together." "Demonstrate your value." Under the circumstances, those suggestions are like putting wax on a dirty car. My first instinct is sadness that you are going through this. The second is the realization that nothing I say may be of any help or value. Perhaps this moment is a memory taking place five years ago, and we are in agreement that if not for this career change, you would not be preparing to accept an award for...
ReplyDeleteBay,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate any support I get anywhere I can get it. This has been an awakening for me, albeit a rude one. I just have to work my way through the process. Thank you for your support.