"The Best Things In Life Are Free..."

...Or at least you don't pay for them with money.  I have not been blogging as I promised myself I would do more readily and more consistently.  Part of the problem was that I didn't really think I had anything to say.  As it turns out,  I probably had more to say than I thought.

    Whether you are devoutly religious or unabashedly atheist, I think that we can all agree that there are moments in life that we can characterize as nothing less than amazing.  I don't know how many of these moments you are allowed to have in your life, but I feel fortunate because I think I have had more than most.  I can count among my gifts;  three healthy children, employment and a network of friends and family that would say they love me if you asked.  Pretty damn good I would say.

    I have spent a lot of time this year lamenting about "my situation."  As I sit and have a really honest conversation with myself, I have concluded that the term "my situation" is a euphemism for not being where I want to be in my life.  This is an empowering tidbit.  It has allowed me to wrest control from the "they don't want me to..." camp and put it in the "I am am going to" camp.  This is not to suggest that there are not people who don't want to see someone do well but the best thing that you can do for them is to be exactly what they say you aren't.  It pisses them off lovely.

    I had a chance to spend some time with my family for the holidays.  It occurred to me that the very moment that I live for may be the moment of someone else's dread.  That made me sad and thankful at the same time. The reality is that there are people who you shouldn't spend time with.  They steal joy from your moments.  Some intentionally, some not but the result is the same.  So, I leave you with two thoughts:  Don't be so caught up in the bigness of life that you forget that it is made up of little moments and make sure that everyone on your team is playing for the win.  Claim it and get it done.

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"Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil..."

...is something I say at least once a week.  Generally, I say it to others as a joke.  The reality is that I could probably stand to look inward and do the same thing.  So, I am fresh off of a hellacious day at my job.  The reality is that I have told the truth and shamed the devil--to myself. 

     Everybody's truth is different and your own personal truth can change everyday.  The real talk for me is that I hate my job.  I have been dancing around this for a minute.  I am a fancy clerk.  Nothing wrong with being a clerk if that is what it says on your ID.  It ain't what it says on mine.  My other truth is that I am sensitive.  Something I am trying to work on.  Even though I am sensitive, I still can tell when someone is inappropriate. 

   

    The "tell the truth" for me is that I do not like being a woman in the workplace.  I do not like how other women behave in the workplace.  I am exhausted by dealing with "girl shit."  I am no angel and I have girlshit too--but I at least try to hang on to mine.

     The workplace appears to be where people's issues meet their actions and expressions.  I need to get off my arse and get moving on turning my dreams into reality.  So, to all you ranters, ragers, haters and naysayers--THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  You got a chick moving.

   

The Relationship Recession

     So, the nation's credit rating has been downgraded.  There's plenty of blame to go around and that will likely be the subject of another post.  My grandparents used to say that "faith is easy to have when things are good..." and I believe this to be absolutely true.  As life would have it, that's eactly when you don't really need it.

     There was a time in my life when I profoundly believed that all you needed to sustain a relationship was love and mutual respect.  While I believe in both of them whole-heartedly, the reality is that the two of them alone won't get the job done.  The fact of the matter is that there are too many things at play working against the likelihood of a positive outcome.  Financially, life has been tough for a large portion of the people in the nation.  In all honesty, as a person with three kids and one income, I have always been recessed.  The recession hit upper middle and middle middle class a lot harder than it hit the rest of us.  I think I have a better toolkit than most.

    The recession has moved to relationships as well--but not in the obvious way.  Let me point out from this point moving forward that I am speaking with regard to my little circle of 40 somethings.  Each person is an individual in their own right so if you don't see yourself in this then read for informational purposes only.

    The watermark is higher.  In the day and age of recession, what gets a person in the door is less about their presentation and more about our willingness.  In short, it takes more to get in the door.  I might drive 60 miles to meet someone but on $4 a gallon gasoline it isn't likely unless I see last name potential.  Conversely, people  are more likely to hang onto and in relationships that are less than optimal if one party or another--or both feel that going it alone financially is going to be difficult.

     The reality is that the recession is also emotional.  After struggling with the day to day in and outs of navigating a workplace, finances and other interpersonal relationships there isn't a lot left to go around.  This doesn't mean that there are not tons of successful unions forming.  After the getting real is done, each individual has to determine where they are about relationships and whom to get involved with.

     For my part I will be honest to say that a stimulating, mind bending conversation is wonderful and I now will ask who is paying for the coffee that we have it over.  In every cloud, there is a silver lining.  The lining in this one may be that people are saving in record percentages and the "entrepreneurial" is shining through in all facets of life including dating.  At the end of the day, we will all make our choices--and rise or fall we will be left with the wreckage or the afterglow.

    I think so..and what?

She's Baaaaaaack...

     Well, guess who's back...I am.  Let's just say my tine away has been busy.  I can't begin to cover everything in one blog post, but as things come up I will share.  I will start with the fact that I changed departments so part of my work woes are over. 

     I will be posting some things over the next few days and hope that you guys will welcome me back warmly.  It's good to be home...

Motion, Movement and Progress

     If you follow this blog, then you know that I am a chronic muser.  I think often about lots of things.  I will pause here and shout out my 9th grade English teacher Mr. Freeman, who reminded us, ad nauseam that "often" is for frequency and "lots" is for quantity.  So, the theory about learning by osmosis is true because I would swear I wasn't listening.  Anyway, I digress.

    My five year old had a science project about just that.  As I helped, he began to explain that "everything always moves".  I thought that this was very profound for a 5 year old.  I also thought about how true it really is.  I began to think about my movement.

    I have been thinking about movement over the past few months.  I have always believed that profound realizations require profound movement.  I have also determined that sometimes the most profound movement is to be still.    This is probably the hardest thing for me to do.  I don't always have the patience to keep still.  I am always grateful for the people in my life who help me in and through the learning process that goes with keeping still.  For a long time I equated stillness with inaction.  Through the learning curve, I have come to realize that stillness can be progress and movement can just be motion.

    As the holiday rolls in and the year closes out, my thoughts have turned to Movement, Motion and Progress.  I have spent my year moving but my progress has been minimal.  That's if you do count the fact that I have gotten honest with myself about this small tidbit.  These coming months will be the test.  I will face several things--the biggest being myself.

     I have decided to make the move from motion to progress--forward progress.  This is likely going to leave some people unhappy.  As a mom, I am responsible for encouraging progress.  I have to make it as well.  I will no longer wish for better things and a better path.  I am going to listen to the messages--the positive ones--and bust a move.  Thank you for following and I hope that it wasn't just motion.  Get moving and get it done.

    

   

Life In The Age of Tech or "Why "Instant is Only Good for Pudding..."

      I am a lover of tech.  I am a profound hater of how some choose to use it.  I could run the gamut from the weaponization of e-mail in some workplaces to the the Patriot Act.  My mission today is more about the human cost of tech gone wrong.  My belief is that at some point we will or have all experienced the phenomenon.  The ultimate problem with technology is that it is developed for and used by people.  People, no matter how well intentioned are flawed.  Some more than others.   

     So, in a very profound way, the Clementi family is dealing with the human toll at the convergeance of youth, decisions  and technology. What started off as a prank ended in a young man's death and a leaves a family with more questions than answers.  I think there is a certain level of maliciousness that goes with posting a sex act on the internet.  This goes far beyond a prank.  Certainly its done to visit a certain level of humiliation on the person in it.  The clandestine nature of secretly doing that is an additional level of victimization only furthers that.

    In this age of instant we no longer fact check.  We no longer filter what we say or hear.  Because we are instant in our news, our food and our thirst for information we are short in our memories.  So their ordeal, while fresh for them is yesterday to us.  Take the lesson.  What happens in an instant can affect us for a lifetime.

The Case For Forgiveness

       In the next few sentences I will talk about forgiveness.  I want to be clear that I am not talking about apologies.  Apologies are simply a plea for forgiveness or an acknowledgement that an action or reaction was hurtful to someone.  I am talking about the forgiveness that allows peace to overtake your soul, and release the anger in it. 

     I often wonder whether it is harder to get forgiveness than it is to give it.  The reality is that forgiveness--as I see it--benefits the giver more than the givee.   It has been my experience that there are people that don't much care whether you forgive them or not.  Really, truthfully, being honest why would they care?  If they didn't care enough not to hurt you why would they care about your forgiveness or lack thereof?

    I would suggest, that most people don't intend to be hurtful--the ones who do are hurt themselves.  Imagine living in so much pain that the only way you can get relief is to inflict pain on others.  Very sad when you think about it.  I am a firm believer in fighting with positivity.  Trust me when I tell you, it's a lot of work.

     I have forgiven many things and still have some work to do.  I'm sure that I will require forgiveness in this life before it is all said and done.  The world is littered with the carnage of people who are unable to forgive.  Don't believe me?  Try dating.  Nowhere is pain more evident than when  people attempt to open themselves to new people and the possibilities they represent or admit that they are the same old thing. 

    It makes me sad to hear the stories of people who haven't spoken to their siblings in ten years or children who haven't spoken to their parents in years.  Pain, rejection, hurt and anger are too heavy to carry around with you everywhere you go.  They are burdens we need to be from so that we can have the strength to carry hope, possibility, forgiveness and joy.  There are many choices to be made in life--some go well and others don't.

    The most important thing about forgiveness is to give it--even when the person you need to give it to is the one you look at in the mirror.  Open your heart, open your mind and get it done.