Real Talk

     While I am reluctant to admit this in public, I love a good pick up line.  The reality is that I appreciate the effort that a brother is trying to make.  It shows some thought and possibly even some creativity.  It may make no difference in the end, but it's a good icebreaker.  Since it's real talk I also need to be honest and say that a line that is too good will lead me to wonder whether or not he's just about game.  It's interesting though.  I am a devout disliker of "running game" as are most  sistas in the dating pool.  I think that I'm just too old for the foolishness. 

     My friends will point out that much in the same way women fall for good looking men, I love love love smart guys.  Book smart, life smart and on occasion street smart,  that's my crowd.  While I admit that I have a personal preference, I don't necessarily use it to rule people out.  Some people will say they ONLY like thin men, tall men, still others like muscular men.  I'm not an ONLY type of girl, but I like what I like. 

     So, let me hear your best effort.  Talk to me about great poets, sentence syntax, NETCOOL protocols, and even make your case for who is the best rapper Biggie, Jay-Z, Tupac or Nas, it's all good.  Be good to each other, yourselves and total strangers.  Get it done.

Speak to Me

    I am an observer of people. I make my living off the human condition.  On a regular basis, while I am listening to people's path in life--as told by them--I assess.  What's true, what's not, how wrapped in the pain are they?  How invested in changing, or not are they?  While these skills make me good at what I do at work, and are priceless in navigating a work environment, they serve me not at all in relationships and life overall.

     There are times when I think I see too much.  Perhaps, it has more to  do with the dichotomy between what I am seeing intuitively and what I am being shown prima facie.  The dilemma becomes what do  you believe?  How much of our intuition is colored by what we have lived through, gotten into, gotten out of and gotten over?  When I asked someone what they thought my biggest weakness was he looked me squarely in the face and said: 

 " 'you believe that people are basically good and will do the right thing.  They will usually do what is right for them.' "

I asked why that was a bad thing?  He said " 'it's a wonderful thing but it opens up a world of hurt.' "  Probably an entirely true statement.

     Part of my belief is self-preservation.  I see the physical and emotional pain that people rain on each other and themselves everyday, so I need to believe and bear witness to the flip side.  In addition, as a mom, I need to impart in my children a way for them to see the world  as a place of possibilities...good, bad and indeterminate.  They need to realize, as I do, that ultimately all you can do is learn and grow. Accept the responsibility for things that you do and insist others do the same.  Do it all with the understanding that we will all fall short sometimes.

   My heart and mind are open.  Speak to me, but understand that I listen real loud. There are 8 million stories in the naked city.  Tell yours and own it. Be good to each other and get it done.

The Case for Facebook

So we hear all these stories about serial killers and other degenerates on Craigslist, MySpace and stalkers on Facebook and LinkedIn.  It all makes for dynamic reading.  My situation and eperience has been very different.  I joined Facebook primarily because a friend who had MYSPACE suggested it was more for "grown folk."  I also belonged to groups that were being disbanded by MSN, so it was a natural transition. I figured why not, although I enjoyed the anonymity illusion of MYSPACE.

The most disconcerting thing about Facebook for me was having to use my "real" name.  In retrospect, this was more about the place that I was in than anything else.  I logged in, I joined and started searching.  My life is forever richer for it.  I was able to reconnect with my college crowd and find my very best friend from high school--and she remembered me.  One of the things about Facebook is that often, you can get a perspective that you may not have gotten otherwise.  Make no mistake, there are still guys trolling for dates and weirdos too, but you can "unfriend" them and be done with it.

Facebook allowed me to meet people across the country, state and world that I can call my friends and some have done more for me than actual friends that I see in person.  I am fortunate I have family on Facebook and I have a Facebook family.  There were times and things that I have gone through, that I shared with my FB family.

You hear the horror stories about people losing jobs because of FB status updates and pics of weekend debauchery.  Well, I may be the only person who would benefit from am employer trollinng my page.  The would have to figure that I'm a quality type of woman because I keep great company.  I love family, and thanks for every time you have helped get it done.

USA, U. Stress.A, Unbelievably Stressed Americans

  So what a week.  The YAAAAAAANNNNNKKKKEES win!  All out throw down in the Canyon of Heroes.  Major Dr Nidal Malik Hassan walks in to the Soldier Readiness Center and opens fire. He kills twelve people.  Another person dies from their injuries the following day.  Thirty one people wounded including Hassan.  Jose Rodriguez walks into an office building in Florida and opens fire. One dead, several injured.

   As the economy tightens on a personal level, while people keep hearing that things are getting better more and more people are becoming frustrated.  I have long believed that for a certain portion of the population, just everyday survival can and likely lead to PTSD.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  We are more frequently hearing of people just "snapping".  This is a drama that will unfold many more times in many more places until, we as a nation, heal our pain.  Soldiers are fighting and dying in two wars across the world.  Their families are here trying to manage day to day existence under the pressure of bottom dollar home prices, top dollar food prices, climbing gas prices and shrinking numbers of places and people you can turn to for support.  Throw in on top of that not knowing whether you will have a job in six months.

   All in all, even if you have excellent coping skills to start with--and most don't--the prolonged nature of the stress can be too much, and that is your basic definition of PTSD.  In my work, I deal with people who are living in their pain, and with the byproducts of it.  I have always believed that the only thing that separates one person from another are the series of choices that they make.  One person chooses therapy, another drugs.  One person chooses to reach out and another chooses to get out. 

    I have gone through tough times with the economy myself, and working on a grant that's closing, my future is uncertain also.  I have something that many don't have though.  I believe that at the end of the day no matter how difficult it gets, the ship will right itself.  As someone pointed out to me, I have a wonderful set of problems.  One child in college, another on the way to college and a very bright preschooler and how to pay for it all.  He pointed out that I could be spending money on bail and restitution as opposed to uniforms and college applications. Sometimes, all you need is perspective.  There but for the grace of God go I.