"Damn, We Ten Years In Already...?" or Reflections On The Passage Of Time

     So, the new year is a day old, the millenium is entering its second decade and in a few hours I will mark my 20th anniversary as a mom.  It is no accident that time, cumulatively speaking seems to pass more quickly as you age.  Yes, it does seem that the year just began and it will be Martin Luther King Day in two weeks.  So, there are actually pople who study this.  My interest and the subject of the post is more about the feeling than the "science" behind it. You guys know that I am a thinking chick so if you check here you can get some more info.

     I am also subject to this phenomenon.  My "baby" is a preschooler and actually is vocal enough to list why he isn't a baby.  My "little girl" will be heading to college later in the year.  My eldest, who was born today, January 2, is 20.  He is older than Google.  And Facebook. And cell phones.  The very same things that will be staples of my youngest child's existence.  As they years fly by, the good days fly and the bad days drag.  It is what it is and that's just it.

     The new millenium has brought a lot of things on a personal and a global scale. I don't suggest that the ones I list here or the feelings that they bring are the only important ones.  They are simply the ones that come to mind readily or move me so profoundly that I can't ignore then.  In my effort to be orderly, they are in chronological order.

     9/11/2001--Never did I want my kids to have an event that marked their existence the same way JFK's assassination marked my parents'.  That day was a defining moment for a million reasons but primarily because it was the first time that I felt ineffective and useless as a mom.  I was at work in Harlem and my kids were at different schools in Queens.  I remember the teacher asking me to explain to my daughter, where I was in location to where the Towers.  I stood on the steps of my building and explained that Harlem was "far up" and the World Trade was "way down" while fighter jets buzzed Harlem.  I remember her asking how long was it going to take for me to get home and I wasn't coming anytime soon.  I also remember the overwhelming sense of relief when I finally did get home and how I didn't leave it for three days.  My son said that he was "fine".  After I realized that they were cringing in terror at the evening news intro, I just stopped watching.

    2003.  The year I picked up my kids and moved from the city to the country for better schools and more structure.  This little adventure needs it own post. I will tell you that when I decided to buy a house I had $112 in the bank and a committed spirit.  I will tell you that when I finished closing I had $86 in the bank. What passed in between was very interesting and deserves its own post.

    2005.  The year I gave birth to my youngest son.  A drama filled, medically challenging pregnancy, seventeen hours of labor--notable to point out that is more hours than the other two labors combined.  An absolute blessing that allowed me to have a bond with my cousin that I would not have had otherwise.  Life gained an amazing clarity and a refocused sense of purpose.

       Now, I don't want to suggest that nothing happened from '05 to '09 but I am going to skip ahead to the most eventful year of the decade.

    2009.  A year of losses and growth and possibly the only time I ever felt that I wasn't coming out on the other side.  My home, my Aunt Flo and some of my hope.  I mourned them all but I grew and came through and I am back.  The year is new and will bring some uncertainty.  My program is closing and there will be the madness that set of circumstances brings.  I am reconnecting with my faith so I know I will come through however he plans for me to.  Failure is not an option.  I am taking this walk and I'm gonna do the damn thing.  Take your walk and get it done.