Single and a Sista

     So there is much ado about the fact that 42% of Black women are single.  While initially that may be alarming for some, I'm from the "...and what?..." school of thought regarding it.  Let me just come out and say it.  Some of us need to stay single.  Some of us are never married and totally cool with that. Continuing in the same vane, still others of us wouldn't be able to pass the tests that we set out for potential partners.  I guess I will insert my disclaimers here in the interest of full disclosure.  I have been married and divorced and I am currently single.

     I'm going to make several observations about my sisters and maybe even come to some realizations about  myself.  I think that while women are more than ready to take inventory of their potential mates, we are far less willing to do the same of ourselves.  The fact of the matter is that we are always able to our left and right but not always able to look in the mirror. 

    One of the shows that I watch is Bridezillas.  Judge me if you must but it's good watching.  It's like a car accident, you want to look away but you're riveted.  I ask myself, why would anyone want to even marry these heffas, but people do.  Clearly, they know something that I don't because I'm single.  Most women--when asked--will say they value honesty, faithfulness and trust in a relationship.  These are the same women who fake orgasms, sneak out to girls' night and hide credit card bills.  No judgment, just a statement. 

    Women also need to recognize the difference between being a couple, being in a relationship and being committed.  We may use them interchangeably but they are quite different and the differences are very important.  Being a couple means that you have developed a mutual feeling and have agreed to spend time together.  This is the stage where many women assume that there is exclusivity and are angered when they find that there isn't.  Being in a relationship means that you have a connection on one, several or many levels with a particular individual.  This is the person who would be your one phone call if you ever ended up in stripes at County.  Being committed is the the peak of partnering.  This is the stage where you and your partner have discussed the major issues of couplehood and agree to be like minded on issues, compromise on others and agree to disagree on some things.  Commitment is exclusive.  People tend to be clear on where they stand with each other and are clear on the fact that they don't necessarily want to stand without each other.  For me, I hope for a committed relationship at some point.

    The fact of the matter is that we ask questions when we buy cars, homes, appliances and clothing.  We don't ask nearly as many questions as we should of our potential partners.  This is not to suggest that simply asking would yield the truth.  Relationships are serious, and it behooves to be our best if we are going to demand someone else's.  Think on it and get it done.