So if you have a pulse then you are probably aware of the fact that I have three children. I love them deeply. They are versatile. They can be angelic in one moment and the spawn of Satan in the next. I have a son in college, a daughter on the way to college--and I'm shopping for a quality preschool for my youngest. This is the part where people generally gasp and say things like "Wow, why'd you go back?" or "Surprise baby?" or "Oooh wow." 19, 17, and just about 4. I'm getting my mom on.
Now, I'll be the first to admit learning that I was pregnant was slightly--well--traumatic may be too strong but it's close enough to count as accurate. I actually just counted it as an "oh well, gotta shift gears" type of thing. It wasn't until the"Guess What" conversation that I even had an inkling that I had a "sit-cha-a-shen". Let me be unabashedly honest and say that it wasnt until my first prenatal appointment when I whispered to the nurse why I was there, that I realized that I had some embarrassment about expecting with teenagers at home. Their reaction will be the subject of a separate post.
I can say with certainty, that the last time I had such a profound spell of personal growth, was when I became a single mom via separation and divorce. It isn't lost on me that on two separate occasions the birth of a child was the birth of a new me. If my kids never smiled, waved, hugged or kissed me again, this alone would be special enough to last me a lifetime. As part of my growth, I had to wonder why I grew most when forced to grow as opposed to growing just because. At some point, I invested more in the growing than in the why of it all.
I love being a mom. I love being a mom to my particular children. Parenting on the rainbow provides me with an opportunity to enjoy, remember, appreciate and look forward to the many things that children can and will do. For my part, being brutally honest, each of my kids has had a different mom. With my first child, I tried to read every parenting book on the planet. Useless. It was strictly on-the-job training. With my daughter, I had the ability to begin to fine tune my parenting repertoire.
Waiting a decade to have another child led to the realization that the game done changed. Parenting is almost passe'. Many kids learn early on, that if they just wait out the stressed out grown up that they can write their own ticket. My youngest gets away with way more than the other kids did and they remind me every chance they get. This has more to do with having grown enough to choose battles more carefully and frankly the devil is in the details.
I owe all of my children different things for different reasons but what matters most is that I have three opportunities to create prouctive citizens. I hope for them more than anything that they realize the importance of personal growth and develop a solid belief that they are of positive energy and that this will motivate them to be a force for good on whatever level they can, whether it be finding a cure for something or finding a way to reach another human being.
I also appreciate the value and joy in seeing a boy become a man, a girl become a woman and an infant become a preschooler. It's ironic that I now go to birthday parties with my son for for the children of the children I used to hold and babysit for. It reminds me every day that my life is so rich and that I am well loved and well blessed. Being unabashedly honest, there are days when I forget to thank the universe for this.
Lately, I have been lamenting my single status or my "partnerlessness". Truth of the matter is I am fortunate to have a life that is full of people that love me and have helped me grow. I am constantly in the crunch about time and money. I have learned that the richness of you is never found in your wallet and I wish everybody would catch on. I am gazillionaire and I hope to share the wealth for many years to come. Peace.
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