Stonehenge, Crop Circles And Relationships or Three Great Mysteries of Life

Let me just say that I have no real interest in pondering Stonehenge. Crop circles are either aliens paying a visit or some dude with an engineering degree and a board tried to a string. Makes no real difference to me. That being said, let's move right into the relationship/dating connundrum.

I am by no means an expert on relationships. I have been married and divorced. I fall into the category of serial monogamy. I am currently single and my last foray into the relationship forest was--well--eventful. I place this disclaimer primarily because I am going to say some things that will make some say, "That's why that heffa is single..." and still others will say, "Wow, real talk, true ish". I'm down for you and I got your back no matter where you come down. That being said, here I go:

I am a firm believer in love. I am also a realist. Only children and exceptional individuals love without conditions. Most people love and expect that they will be loved back. How many people have started a conversation with something like, "If you love me you would or wouldn't do this or that..."? While I love love, love to be in love, love people who can love and love a good love story, I am a realist. I am a firm believer that people love in context. When I was in elementary school we had these "unit" books. They had titles like "Getting the Facts", "Learning the Sequence", and my favorite "Understanding the Context." Useless. Until real life. Understanding the Context, if effective, basically helped you to understand the background to what you were reading without having to do the research. It fostered the development of inference.

In matters of the heart, there should be zero tolerance on inference. Inference is too subjective and leads quickly to assumptions. But I digress. Loving in context means, that people love as best they can, based on what they live, have lived through or want to live. As if all of that is not enough, throw in a heaping helping of competing agendas. Let me be clear, agendas are not necessarily bad. It simply means that each person has a list of things they intend to "cover" in the relationship--much in the same way that an agenda is used in a meeting. The problem is that frequently the real agenda is not on paper. On top of that, throw in just the general differences between men and women and what they hope to gain and be in and from the relationship. Someone once said that women meet men and hope to change them and men meet women and hope they never change. The odds are stacking up already.

For my brothers, BE HONEST. If you only want to holla at the cat, then claim it. Maybe she is only looking for a cat whisperer. This would eliminate the ugliness I see repeatedly in malls and in other public places. She wouldn't need to roll up on you if you told her that she was box 1 of 3. There might be some discussion about why she is better than the other boxes but you have eliminated the roll-up factor. In addition to practicing honesty, practice listening and caring. We realize that you had a long day too. We are just trying to figure out if you love us enough--yep, we measure and test--to put us first and hear our concerns and fears.

For my sisters, BE HONEST and Respectful. No man wants to feel like he is lessened or belittled, especially at the hands or mouth of his partner. Believe if you know what he's not doing, he does too. No reminders are necessary. Men are visual. Every now and then, you might try wearing an outfit like the one that "man stealing ho with the new do" is wearing because he will sneak a peek if possible. Most importantly for sisters, don't use the cat as a bargaining chip. You might be in for more than you bargained for.

At the end of the day, if you love the way you would want to be loved then half the battle is won. Live and love your best. Get it done...